I’m starting to realise I’m in a deeply toxic marriage with ‘Medicine’.
Sometimes he is lovely, he brings me joy, makes me feel good about myself, that I can conquer the world.
But mostly he is abusive. Saps every ounce of self confidence. Fills me with doubt, leaving me anxious and depressed. And it’s not just emotional. He’s physically abusive too.
I can see it, but I love him and I don’t want to leave. He’s the only one I’ve ever loved, I’ve never even looked at anyone else. Surely things will improve? It’s not that bad, I tell myself.
I’ve tried taking a break, I’ve tried making changes to how we deal with each other, but the abuse is still there.
And now I’m facing the real prospect of divorce. He doesn’t want me anymore and it’s tearing me apart. I feel lost and rejected.
But maybe divorce is the right thing for me as well. I’m trying to work out whether my current feelings are because I still truly love him. Or actually because I want to leave on my own terms and not his…
Written by Anonymous GP Trainee